Want true happiness? Inquire within
Every marketed product needs a sales pitch. First step: figure out what you’re selling. The church is selling happiness. I guess most people don’t think of it that way, so it’s helpful that they point it out for us in their Godvertisements.
Marquee Bonus: I love how this one looks like a “Help Wanted” ad, too.
Faults are thick when love is thin
Love is blind? It’s amazing how many flaws we overlook when we’re in love. Every relationship goes through times of deeper and lesser love. And at those thin times it can be difficult to get back to that deeper love, especially because we see so many of the flaws then.
When your love for someone else is thin, their faults are thick. But try to remember that this is an illusion. It’s partly your fault that the faults appear so thick. Maybe if you keep this in mind, it will help you to see around them and find your love again.
Marquee bonus: tippy L
Tact is the unsaid part of what you think
If we all said what we think, the world would be a different place, better in some ways, worse in others. Tact is when you don’t say what you’re thinking. Sometimes tact is an active lie (a “white lie”), and sometimes tact is simply holding your tongue (”lie by omission”).
This sign is a sage reminder of the virtue tactfulness and the vice of belligerence. I encountered some belligerent people last month, and I found myself exercising a fair amount of tact.
It gets some marquee bonus points, too. Firstly, it is justified left for some reason while the sign begs to be centered. As an odd coincidence it appeared the same week the CBS memo story did, with all its centering problems. At least we know this sign wasn’t done in Word, huh?
The other marquee bonus is the ‘Y’ in “YOU”. It’s really an ‘X’ with the bottom half covered up. I think this church needs a new set of letters. 
Come in out of the heat. This church is really cool.
Yeah, it’s hot outside. It’s oppressively humid. A cool, air-conditioned church would be a nice place to rest. Oh, wait. “This church is really cool?” Isn’t that hep cat talk for “neato”? I suppose that’s a play on words, even if it is about 30 years out of date.
Or maybe they’re speaking about a different heat. Come in from the stress of life. Come into the house of God where you can bask in his love and let him take your troubles away. This is the beauty of Godvertising. It’s so short it almost always has a double-entendre.
Marquee bonus: sorely lacking punctuation
If you let the devil ride with you, he will want to drive
Can you imagine riding around in a car with Satan. He’s got his dirty feet propped up on the dash, he’s throwing trash out the windows, smoking up the place and telling you to go faster. Sooner or later he’s going to grab that steering wheel and take over. You know he is!
What wonderful imagery is contained in this sign! And it’s a fine warning too. In our daily lives we know that if we associate with bad characters or we choose to flirt with sin, it will likely take us over and we’ll never be able to rise above it. We’ve all seen it happen to others. Can we take the chance it will happen to us? This sign reminds that it will happen, if you let it.
Marquee bonus: the “W” fell off of “WILL”.